Resolutions

Hi everyone.

I hope you are enjoying a wonderful festive time. As we approach new year, I know many people are considering resolutions. And I know that there are also many people who feel perhaps a little cynical about resolutions. So I thought it might be supportive to explore the subject a little.

Personally, I think resolutions are a good idea. Life is better for us and those around us when we aim to improve ourselves in some way. Not only for what we gain from attainment of that goal, but for at least 2 other good reasons: firstly, because the practice of persuing our goals makes us better at that, which compounds over time; and secondly because positive emotion is mostly generated by moving towards something that we value. More so even than accomplishing a goal, insofar as the fact that when we solve one problem, we move on to another. And yes, of course we don’t need to wait for new year to resolve to some change – but it’s as good a time as any; and it is perhaps meaningful to feel the sense of a clean slate moving into a new year, or to seed intentions as we build energy day by day after the solstice.

So how might we choose a resolution, and how can we give ourselves the greatest chance of success?

Well, the first thing I would say is spend some time – perhaps between now and new year – exploring potential resolutions. Typical goals like “exercise more”, “save money”, or “live life to the fullest” are so general that they are likely to us up to fail. In order to succeed we need to be more specific, and our resolutions will need to have a deeper meaning or resonance. Finding this will require introspection.

So what does this introspection look like?

I’d suggest spending some time writing.
You could write about your vision for each of the various aspects of life: your intimate relationships, your career plans, your educational goals, your social engagement, your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and the way you use your private time. This process will almost certainly yield some interesting observations and insights, which you can then work with to pinpoint a resolution.

You can go on to explore your answers to some other questions, such as:
What action can I take that will have the greatest impact on my happiness, health, and fulfilment?
What am I doing that is undermining my efforts or interrupting my life?
Which of my needs have I found difficult to meet this past year?

And for all of these questions you can go on to explore, in as much detail as you can, what life will look like if you carry on as you are; and what life could look like if you make the change. This will help you build a clear sense, with emotional engagement, not only of what you are moving away from, but what you are moving towards.

This principle applies to anyone who may decide to shed an unhelpful habit. Bad habits are there to meet needs, so they need to be replaced with a more positive habit that will help meet the underlying need. Otherwise you are just creating a void, which is likely to be filled with the habit you’re trying to drop.

This process is about finding one specific resolution. If we are looking to integrate a new habit, practicing that one habit daily for 30 days offers an 80% chance you will still be doing it a year later. If you try to add a second habit during that 30 day period, success at either one drops to 35%. So pick one – you can always do another at a later date.

Next, we need to write a plan. So we’re not just committing to the goal, but to all the little actions that need to be taken along the way in the pursuit of that goal. Small, specific steps. Consistent action, no matter how small. Mini-milestones. This helps us stay on track, and completing mini milestones also gives us more positive emotions and dopamine releases. Remember, the payoff lies all along the way, not at the end. I’d also suggest dividing the 30 days into 3 sets of 10 days. Notice how your relationship with your resolution changes across those 3 bands of time.

One more thing you can do to double-down on your journey towards your resolution is to write evening retrospections. It doesn’t have to be a long process, maybe 10 minutes. You could use starter questions such as: what was alive for me today? what did I do well today? Where was I tested? What would I have liked to have done differently?

I hope that you have found this helpful. If you have any questions or if you would like any personal support, please reach out. Part of the purpose of the way I work with clients is to create a safe space conducive to self-connection and introspection. The wisdom that each of us carry or have access to when we create the space is nothing short of miraculous. I hope you find some really meaningful resolutions and that you find many wonderful things as you carry them forwards into 2023. Thank you for watching and see you soon.